Searchery Rhymes

By Aaron Goldman, VP Marketing & Strategic Partnerships
Appeared In MediaPost’s Search Insider

AS A FREESTYLE KARAOKE’ER, I love to take other people’s songs and make them my own. There’s nothing better than twisting the words of tunes everyone knows to really connect with the crowd. It’s in this spirit that I offer up my first (and quite possibly last) installment of Searchery Rhymes for all the search marketers out there who need a little help falling asleep at night.

Little Bill Gates
In the style of Little Jack Horner
Little Bill Gates
Sat lying in wait
For his share of the online media pie.
But he knew it was dumb
To keep sitting on his thumb
So he let 6 billion dollars fly.

Google, Google, Privacy Eater
In the style of Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater
Google, Google, privacy eater,
Had my data and tried to keep her,
Put her in a black box shell
How they'll use her, time will tell.

Three Wise Men
To the tune of Three Blind Mice
Three wise men,
See how they run.
At times your pal, at times sleeping with your wife,
Have you ever seen such a frienemy in all your life,
As three wise men?

Ole Susan Decker
In the style of Old Mother Hubbard
Ole Susan Decker
Had and Flickr
To give her poor brand a boost;
But she soon became aware,
There was no peanut butter to spare;
Will things change with her ruling the roost?

There Was an Ole Woman Who Worked at Yahoo
In the style of There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe
There was an ole woman who worked at Yahoo
Had so many products, she didn't know what to do.
She put the focus on some and left others for dead,
Then made things Right after flipping the org chart on its head.

Barry Had a Little Butler
To the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb
Barry had a little butler, little butler, little butler,
Barry had a little butler, whose stale brand began to show.
Until the day that Barry said, Barry said, Barry said,
Until the day that Barry said, that butler's got to go!

So he sent ole Jeeves out on his way, on his way, on his way
He sent ole Jeeves out on his way, and shortened it to Ask.
Then he set out to rule the world, rule the world, rule the word,
Then he set out to rule the world, but his engine's next to last.

So now he's rolled out Ask 3D, Ask 3D, Ask 3D,
Now he's rolled out Ask 3D and it might give him a chance.
As for how Jeeves is holding up, holding up, holding up,
As for how Jeeves is holding up, he's now serving at the Google Dance.

Barry, Barry, Quite Contrary
In the style of Mary, Mary Quite Contrary
Barry, Barry, quite contrary,
How will your search share grow?
Launch bells and whistles like Bush drops missiles,
But brand your algorithm? I don't think so.
[Insert Andrew Dice Clay-like "OH!" here.]

This Little Wiki
To the tune of This Little Piggy
This little wiki is for shopping,
This little wiki finds your home,
This little wiki got Lost,
This little wiki helps you roam.
And this little wiki is a Wale of a try to send Google crying all the way home.

Bye Bye Neutrality
To the tune of Baa, Baa, Black Sheep
Bye Bye Neutrality,
We will miss you so.
Yes sir, yes sir,
More than most folks know.
There once was a time
When Church was separate from State,
But GoogleClickYaRightMediaMicQuantiveWP7
Has sure wiped clean that slate.

Little Miss Muffet
(Didn't change the words here, just inserted analogies)
Little Miss Muffet (read: media agencies and content publishers)
Sat on her tuffet (read: keister)
Eating her curds and whey (read: making money).
Along came a spider (read: Google)
Who sat down beside her (read: disintermediated)
And frightened Miss Muffet away (read: the sky is falling, the sky is falling!)

Good night... and good luck.


Copyright © 2008 Resolution Media, Inc. All rights reserved.